I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize