it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
