If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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