you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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