Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
