Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
