I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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