You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize