i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Vodka?
Forever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
