If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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