just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
