i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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