So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
