I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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