All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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