i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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