omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize