I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
