I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
