There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
