Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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