you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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