a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
