If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize