i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
