Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
