There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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