I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize