"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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