absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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