I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
