It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
