Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
