I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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