when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
