This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
