The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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