Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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