i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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