i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
