This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
