You made me cry and you don't even care
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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