I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
