I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
