and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize