Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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