Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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