its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize