There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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