I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
