I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
