I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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