...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
