White coat. Heels.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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