Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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