She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
