Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize