if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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