Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
