just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
