You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
