my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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