I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
