Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize