Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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