Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize