Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
