Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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