How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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